The Trail Of Thoughts: This Fear In Me

Stairs Leading To Who-Knows-Where

This fear in me. Should I describe it to you? Well, you could find it relatable. It keeps me from doing things that I should, it keeps me from doing things that I want to. This fear is strange. Fear of not getting accepted. Fear that this happiness won't last. Fear, that people might leave and loneliness would engulf. Fear that everything will change in a snap of a finger. My fear sends me off to places I don't like.

Sometimes, a minute failure is enough to make me want to crawl back into my shell. It is this shell that feels like my resort. This shell I know, is the most comfortable place that I can ever be at. I don't have to work hard. I don't have to cope up with troubles. I can give up on anything when I am inside that shell. My own comfort zone. Every place outside that is a challenge to be in.

"Things can even worsen". Dark clouds of all negative feelings try to engulf me. Maybe things really worsen, I think. I convince myself into retreating.

I spend some time with myself, asking where exactly the issue is. It really isn't difficult to realise the issue. Sometimes I fear more than I should. Fearing about things I can't control. On other days, it's actually something to do with my way. My way of doing things, my way of living, where I need to change certain things about myself.

Accepting. Accepting myself is the first step. Accepting that I fear a lot of things, that fear is a human attribute, that maybe I have to work on it, or, maybe, that I have no control over what I am fearing about. My first goal is to accept it just the way it is. Because tell me, of what use is my denial? Because where does “I am fine” when I am not, take me? Because I can't find a solution if I am not sure where the problem is.

Once I have accepted everything about my fear, my goal changes to finding if there is something that I can physically do to end my fears. Is it really as bad as I was thinking? Will that dress really make people make fun of me all their lives? Will their mocking matter to me? NO? There. I can't do anything physically about it. Will my not studying make me bring in bad marks? YES? There. I will study harder then. Problem solved!

"That nothing is going to break me enough to make me never get up."

There are things that I fear about. Things, about which I can't do anything physically, So what? What about the space between my ears? A lot can, and needs to be done there. Realising. Realising that things are okay. Okay enough to get better. That nothing is going to break me enough to make me never get up. That this happiness may not last, but so won't the sadness that might be approaching. That people come and go. So what? Life goes on, too. That what is affecting me so much today won't be of any significance sooner or later.

I may not be a perfect person, the ideal person. So isn't anybody else. Our drawbacks are what make us equal in the unequal treatment of life. What gives us the upper hand in this situation is the way we handle ourselves, and surely, we have different ways of handling ourselves. Maybe spending some time alone, maybe spending time with people close to you, maybe travel, maybe a new book, maybe cleaning your room, or maybe a party. Who knows what might make you calm down- calm enough to know what to do next instead of worrying about your fears.

"This fear in me, this fear in all of us. It isn't what we will have forever. Like every other phase, it will walk away."

Let's get ready to break through everything to be a better, stronger person. Let's get ourselves ready to conquer the world. Let's give it all it takes, because, eventually, we have no other option than growing into something better. This fear in me, this fear in all of us. It isn't what we will have forever.  Let's work hard to get rid of them while we can. Let's stop stressing out if we can't control it. Like every other phase, this fear will walk away. Till the time it doesn't, let's resolve to not give in to them.

Keep Smiling! 😊

This is the second post on The Trail Of Thoughts collection. You will see more of this in for the next few coming weeks. If you liked this post, then share it with others.

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