The Trail Of Thoughts: Trapped Within Myself

A Butterfly Sitting By The Window

There are so many things I want to do, so many things that I want to experience. “How is it like to do that? It looks fun, it sounds like something I would love to do.” But then I don't try doing them. I find so many things stopping me from doing what I would want to do.

There are so many people who I want to be around. They help me to become someone better. But then there can be people who do the opposite. I am supposed to still be around them. Why? Because maybe they will change.

Who said trapping has to do with two people, one who traps and the other who gets trapped? Who needs two people for this when one is enough?

I am trapped. Trapped in something I don't know. Trapped by something I don't know. Trapped to do things I don't want to. Trapped to not do things I would rather do.

Time. Does it trap me? Time is money. I have things to attend to. I cannot give out moments for something else. Or, is it my disabilities? My own doubts? Over self-consciousness. What will people around me think about me? It isn't something I should do. People normally don't do this. Maybe there is something wrong with what I want to do. What I want to do involves a lot of risks, I might risk a lot of things I have. That people generally avoid doing this because of the risks. That I should rather do something better.

This insecurity, that I may not be good enough at it. That maybe, somewhere there is someone better than me, someone more capable than me, someone more close to perfection than me. Because if someone who is destined to be successful ventures out, why should I even try? So what if doing this makes me happy? So what if doing this will teach me more about my own limits, maybe teach me how to push my limits?

Who said trapping has to do with two people, one who traps and the other who gets trapped? Who needs two people for this when one is enough? Who said trapping always needs an abandoned closed place? I can trap myself, within myself, every time I stop myself. Every time I stop myself from doing things I would like and from giving in to people who don't encourage my growth, I trap myself within myself. And no other trap can ever be worse than this one. Because I can escape from every other trap, but how does one escape from oneself?

It isn't really late when I learn what I needed to know. Learning that there is nothing wrong in doing things solely for my own happiness has been a very welcome news. A human's validation on the life of another human's way of living isn't what I look forward to, nor does anyone else. If on my worst days, I am going to depend on myself, I would rather care for myself the most. I would rather take out some time for myself.

Being insecure is like entering a never-ending loop. I get insecure, I can't do what I want to, I fail at it when I try, I get more insecure. Walking out of insecurities isn't easy, but that's how you live. You do what you got to do. There are risks, I might fail, I might lose, I might be laughed at. But how else do I learn about myself? How else do I know what I need to do? How else do I get to be where I want, without knowing what I want?

So what if someone better than me is working to achieve what I want? Trying, and trying hard does pay off. After all, it isn't always about being better than everybody but enjoying to do what I do. Because giving up on something I like because of someone else isn't the solution. Because walking away from something is an option only when it harms me in ways I don't want to endure.

And walking away is best when it comes to people who don't allow me to grow into a better person. Because if I choose to stay with them, I inhibit my own growth.

It really would be clichè to say “life is very short and so, live the best life”. There are going to be days when you will question where is your life heading to, and maybe you won't get the answers you actually want. There might be days when you do things for the sake of it. There might be days when you consider leaving things you like. There might be days when you know you need to care about yourself a bit more. All you need to do is remember not to trap yourself, within yourself, just for the sake of things that don't matter.

Keep Smiling!😊

This is the third post on The Trail Of Thoughts collection. You will see more of this for the last time next week. If you liked this post, then share it with others.

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